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Links Article # 1
Assertiveness Article # 2 The spirit behind the action- Naming the
virtue. |
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List of 92 Countries applying the Virtues Project Virtues interview in Pocatello Honoring the spirit is one
of the five strategies of the Virtues Project ; So
here goes; my first writing about one of the first virtues – Assertiveness This is inspired by The
Virtues Project: www.virtuesproject.com The Virtues Project
TM Assertiveness,
do you have what it takes to stand up for what you need? By
Val Hilliker, Comedy Ventriloquist 1. We are spiritual beings. 2. Virtues reside in all of us. 3. They are our gifts of character. The Virtue
of Assertiveness is what this column is about. Here is
what The Virtues Project T.M. says about what is Assertiveness. “Being
assertive means being positive and confident.
It is being aware that you are a worthy person with your own special
gifts. When you are assertive you think for yourself and ask for what you
need. You have the self-confidence to tell the truth about what is
just.” – Quote taken from The Virtues Project Educator’s
Guide Assertiveness
is one of the first virtue – alphabetically
speaking – and I feel this virtue is a very important virtue to teach.
If you have enough assertiveness, then you will always stand up for what you
need. In my life I have worked hard to develop this virtue, knowing that I,
too, need to stand up for myself. The
good news is you also can learn to be assertive when you need to be. The best
way to teach assertiveness is to model it. It does my heart good to see this
virtue developing in my children. My
youngest daughter, when she was 7, did just that. She was playing with three
friends when two of them decided to gossip about the third one. My daughter
said, “Stop that, my Mom wouldn’t allow gossiping! What virtue do
you think you need to work on here?” She stood up for justice and she was
so proud of herself, as was I. She shows assertiveness throughout the day,
and it is when I spot that assertiveness and in her and give her a virtues
acknowledgement that she also realizes she is using it. Some of
us only have a small amount of this virtue and some people have a great
amount of assertiveness. This is true with any of the virtues. We can nurture
this virtue in our people when we see and recognize or acknowledge through a
virtues acknowledgements. Your job should you chose to accept this mission is
to put on your virtue eyes and spot assertiveness in yourself, your children
and the people around you. 1. Wow that was assertive of me when I
….. 2. Thank you for being assertive when
you…. 3. That was really assertive when
you…. We need
to notice this virtue in ourselves and reward ourselves for standing up for
our needs. We deserve respect at all times, everywhere we are. Even animals show this virtue. Things to ponder: a dog,
first thing in the morning, shows his owners what his needs are by being assertive.
The dog runs up to the door and pants. The owner is still in a fog, the dog
then gives out a sharp C bark. The owner then realizes the dogs
needs, and allows the dog outside. Notice I did not
say aggressive? These are two very different things. Here is what WordNet® 2.0. n 1: a disposition to
behave aggressively 2: a feeling of hostility that arouses thoughts of attack
[syn: aggressiveness] 3: violent action that
is hostile and usually unprovoked [syn: hostility]
4: the act of initiating hostilities 5: deliberately unfriendly behavior If the
dog was aggressive he may be hurting the owner to say, “I need to go
outside.” These
are two totally different words, assertiveness is acceptable behavior and
aggressiveness is not acceptable behavior. I’m
assertive when I call attention to my needs in a kind, gentle and tactful
way. My boundaries are clear, like Barbara Coloroso,
if it is not morally threatening, life threatening and doesn’t hurt
anyone then it is okay. With
assertiveness, one must use both Courtesy and Tact skillfully. Are you
getting the big picture? When you are practicing one virtue you are also
practicing or calling on others to support that virtue. When you see one
virtue they are supported by all the other virtues. Assertiveness
can make your life easier; a lack of assertiveness can lead to dangerous
things like anger and illness. Anger
is only one letter away from danger. Anger can be dangerous depending on what
you do with it. One can just live with
it and not deal with it, then get sick, really sick. Children and adults can end up with
headaches, stomach flu, and much worse. Many pediatricians in It is our job as parents
and educators to bring out the best in our children. We can live to our
highest standard when we live by our Virtues. It is never
acceptable to hurt another person physically or with words, but let’s
face facts here, not everyone is kind or respectful. When people are cruel we
need to have a toolbox for our brains so we can take out a particular tool
for a particular job. Here are
a few things that you can do to increase your level of assertiveness when you
need to stand up for yourself. They
are life skills to empower yourself. ·
Say
what you need in a gentle tactful manor. ·
When
that doesn’t work, then take a deep breath in and blow it out slowly. ·
Don’t
react right away; the other person wants to make this your problem. ·
You
can count to ten and decide what your next step should be. ·
If
you are feeling scared or threatened, then getting help could be what you need.
I tell students that they can get help from a parent, teacher or friend
– someone that they trust. This list is endless because there are
people who will listen and help when needed. ·
Another
idea is to stand up for yourself by saying,
“Stop that! I deserve
respect.” Using an assertive voice with body language that says this in
a deserving, respectful way. ·
Using
humor, laughing it off, is a great one to back you out of a tight spot. ·
Ignoring
what is being said will dissolve the situation. ·
Own
what you are being teased about. When people tease you about something that
you own, like your skin, clothes, house or other things; then you can say,
“Yes, that is just the way it is.” You can make a joke out of it
and stop a full blown fight, by smiling as you say, “Gee, thanks for
telling me!” So often
others try to tell us what to think and how to think it. No one can tell what
you are thinking. You are the only one who can say what you’re
thinking. When you are assertive, you think for yourself and you are
comfortable in your own skin.
Assertive confident people love to laugh and they are comfortable in
their own skin. You may
live a life full of regret if you use your anger to lash out at yourself or
at others. I stand before you as a human; not one who is perfect but one who
has internalized a lot of anger and lashed out inappropriately. I now make a conscious choice to live my life with enough
assertiveness to deal with what life hands me. When we
see an injustice being done the worst thing we can do is nothing! We need enough assertiveness to stand up
for others when they can not. My sister did just that. She stood up for a
child who could not speak up for herself. She put herself out on a limb for a
child who was in danger if she had stayed where she was. My sister recently
ran into the child’s mother who promptly told her, “Thank you for
changing our lives.” Do you have what it takes to stand up for someone
else, or yourself? Every
encounter and experience in my life has been a gift. In a rather graphic dream, I realized that
I have enough courage to be assertive. I have enough love for myself and
others. I will be assertive and stand for justice even if I stand alone. I
will do this with assertiveness and not aggressiveness. I will do it with tact, gentleness, and
love in my heart. Will you? Tell me
your story of assertiveness and how this article may have been helpful to
you. Please
send your comments to; Val@valhilliker.com Val
Hilliker, Comedy Ventriloquist World
laughter leader and Certified Virtues Project T.M. Facilitator www.valhilliker.com |
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To book your classroom call Val Hilliker at (403) 874-5713 |
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Copyright © 2007 Val
Hilliker, All Rights Reserved |
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